I despise making someone I can’t let go of. Also, I don’t think a guy would really want me. Sexually.I’m far from sexually appealing. Maybe that’s why I stepped into BDSM world 30 years ago.If this is BDSM universe, I reasoned, someone ‘may’ look at me.Maybe I’m sexually attractive to someone, I thought. I alsoContinue reading “Vulnerable and being a sub”
Tag Archives: relationship
Dilemma
I’m trying to think about what I can do about an issue. An issue about my submission. This has happened previously as well. I am a selfish sub. I’m open to giving in, but I refuse to be a pushover.I want to be diminished but not to the point where I will be obliterated.I wantContinue reading “Dilemma”
Intensity junkie bottom
Oh I couldn’t think the right title for this one. It’s also difficult to think how to properly label it too. When it comes to sex and BDSM, I don’t want one which is lovely, calm, peaceful gentle and soothing. I want….the intensity and sensation which push me to the limit. Not soft. Not sensual.Continue reading “Intensity junkie bottom”
C’est la vie
I haven’t written anything for a while. My vanilla life has been crazily busy. I have been talking to a therapist who is kink friendly. It’s been great to talk to her about kink and sex. Whilst any therapist will say that we can be totally honest, I’ve seen the therapist’s face shows that theyContinue reading “C’est la vie“
S
Whilst I’ve deleted the post which I asked and went looking for someone on Fet (because that was a big mistake), I still get messages from people who won’t read any of my profile or writings. Most of them, I don’t even reply. Too many of those ones, unfortunately. Some, because of the courtesy they’veContinue reading “S”
Do you ‘get’ ‘it’?
I thought I was happy. Good job, relatively good pay. Because I changed careers in my early 30s, I’m slower than others in terms of where I would want to be, at my age. But I’ve asked for and got what I want to go up the corporate ladders in these few years. Certain peopleContinue reading “Do you ‘get’ ‘it’?”
Emotion
There are things I can control.There are things I cannot control. I can control my fucking own emotions.I cannot control someone else’s emotions. After we started exchanging messages, I noticed that he was starting to be attracted to me. I’m not saying this to boast about how good I am. Just a mere fact. TwoContinue reading “Emotion”
Using and not caring
I liked to be ‘used’. Whatever the dom wants to do to me. Whatever excites him. I want to be on the receiving end. Being used. That’s my fantasy. On one hand, I might say that I want the dom to not care about me. Whatever he wants to do. But that is not true.Continue reading “Using and not caring”
Dreaming
Just as he hypnotised me…. No, of course, I would’ve done so anyway without hypnosis. I dream about what we played online, his fuck, his BDSM session every night. Because it makes my body hot. I’ve stopped touching myself like I used to. Because I’m crying in my dream. Not from pain or pleasure. I’veContinue reading “Dreaming”
Selfish
I’m selfish. But not selfish enough. I want him. Although he got bored of me. He said I was a chore. I’m so selfish that I don’t care what he says, but I just want him. I want him now. But I couldn’t say it often to him. How much I wanted him. I didn’tContinue reading “Selfish”