I despise making someone I can’t let go of. Also, I don’t think a guy would really want me. Sexually.I’m far from sexually appealing. Maybe that’s why I stepped into BDSM world 30 years ago.If this is BDSM universe, I reasoned, someone ‘may’ look at me.Maybe I’m sexually attractive to someone, I thought. I alsoContinue reading “Vulnerable and being a sub”
Tag Archives: BDSM blog
Dilemma
I’m trying to think about what I can do about an issue. An issue about my submission. This has happened previously as well. I am a selfish sub. I’m open to giving in, but I refuse to be a pushover.I want to be diminished but not to the point where I will be obliterated.I wantContinue reading “Dilemma”
What kind of sub am I? Möbius of, and tangled emotions of a dom and a sub
…I don’t know. Not sure what the ‘label’ is for me. I feed off dom’s pleasure. I love observing the dom’s face, his voice and whatever I can feel from where he touches me. Soft touch. Hard grabbing. His temperature. His shortening and excited breath. His hoarse voice. Him having fun doing what he wantsContinue reading “What kind of sub am I? Möbius of, and tangled emotions of a dom and a sub”
C’est la vie
I haven’t written anything for a while. My vanilla life has been crazily busy. I have been talking to a therapist who is kink friendly. It’s been great to talk to her about kink and sex. Whilst any therapist will say that we can be totally honest, I’ve seen the therapist’s face shows that theyContinue reading “C’est la vie“
S
Whilst I’ve deleted the post which I asked and went looking for someone on Fet (because that was a big mistake), I still get messages from people who won’t read any of my profile or writings. Most of them, I don’t even reply. Too many of those ones, unfortunately. Some, because of the courtesy they’veContinue reading “S”
Handing control
When I cry at night that I can’t climax, that’s on the top of my list to worry. Because when I wasn’t able to, it made me feel defective. Then, with his help, starting to loosen up my body and my mind, but that came to a sudden halt too. I’m also working too much,Continue reading “Handing control”
Using and not caring
I liked to be ‘used’. Whatever the dom wants to do to me. Whatever excites him. I want to be on the receiving end. Being used. That’s my fantasy. On one hand, I might say that I want the dom to not care about me. Whatever he wants to do. But that is not true.Continue reading “Using and not caring”
Fire (repost)
Note: this is a repost of the earlier post of today. But different. So I can’t climax at the moment. No toys, favourite videos, novels, sexts won’t work. I didn’t use to, so it should be OK, doesn’t it? But I’m not. I can’t go back to the time and place when I didn’t careContinue reading “Fire (repost)”
Dreaming
Just as he hypnotised me…. No, of course, I would’ve done so anyway without hypnosis. I dream about what we played online, his fuck, his BDSM session every night. Because it makes my body hot. I’ve stopped touching myself like I used to. Because I’m crying in my dream. Not from pain or pleasure. I’veContinue reading “Dreaming”
Selfish
I’m selfish. But not selfish enough. I want him. Although he got bored of me. He said I was a chore. I’m so selfish that I don’t care what he says, but I just want him. I want him now. But I couldn’t say it often to him. How much I wanted him. I didn’tContinue reading “Selfish”