Wow. I neglected to write for such a long time. My focus recently has been on my professional life. For the past five years, I have been extremely busy. Always hard at it. Putting in 12-15 hour days, seven days a week. It’s just my life. I’ve worked like that for….almost all my adult life.Continue reading “En attendant”
Category Archives: Journal
Vulnerable and being a sub
I despise making someone I can’t let go of. Also, I don’t think a guy would really want me. Sexually.I’m far from sexually appealing. Maybe that’s why I stepped into BDSM world 30 years ago.If this is BDSM universe, I reasoned, someone ‘may’ look at me.Maybe I’m sexually attractive to someone, I thought. I alsoContinue reading “Vulnerable and being a sub”
Dilemma
I’m trying to think about what I can do about an issue. An issue about my submission. This has happened previously as well. I am a selfish sub. I’m open to giving in, but I refuse to be a pushover.I want to be diminished but not to the point where I will be obliterated.I wantContinue reading “Dilemma”
Once a sub, always a sub
I’m not joking. I thought I needed strong sensations from BDSM to come. Wax, impact plays…pains. That’s how I enjoyed sex….sort of. I never come, but I needed domination and physical sensations. Recently, I enjoyed 2 different sex. The first is with a person who knows that I am a sub, but he himself isContinue reading “Once a sub, always a sub”
What kind of sub am I? Möbius of, and tangled emotions of a dom and a sub
…I don’t know. Not sure what the ‘label’ is for me. I feed off dom’s pleasure. I love observing the dom’s face, his voice and whatever I can feel from where he touches me. Soft touch. Hard grabbing. His temperature. His shortening and excited breath. His hoarse voice. Him having fun doing what he wantsContinue reading “What kind of sub am I? Möbius of, and tangled emotions of a dom and a sub”
Intensity junkie bottom
Oh I couldn’t think the right title for this one. It’s also difficult to think how to properly label it too. When it comes to sex and BDSM, I don’t want one which is lovely, calm, peaceful gentle and soothing. I want….the intensity and sensation which push me to the limit. Not soft. Not sensual.Continue reading “Intensity junkie bottom”
C’est la vie
I haven’t written anything for a while. My vanilla life has been crazily busy. I have been talking to a therapist who is kink friendly. It’s been great to talk to her about kink and sex. Whilst any therapist will say that we can be totally honest, I’ve seen the therapist’s face shows that theyContinue reading “C’est la vie“
Why and how hypnosis in BDSM?
I have asked for the help of hypnosis a number of times in my life. A counsellor used it. There is my favourite hypnotist on iphone apps (it worked till he changed the background music!!! It now just doesn’t work for me!). To some extent, I can self hypnotise myself (I think…and everyone can, can’tContinue reading “Why and how hypnosis in BDSM?”
What a month
Sigh. June is gone (almost). What a month it has been for me. I changed jobs mid May. From day 1, I worked worked worked worked. 8-9 hours overtime every day plus working on weekends. My boss tried to stop me and she is worried. I think, after being dumped by S, I needed aContinue reading “What a month”
Pandora’s box
I don’t know what to write. I thought about not writing. I thought about writing. Then I didn’t know what the title should be. S. As you could see from my past posts, I am not the type of person who opens up easily. To anyone. I have two best friends, one never having metContinue reading “Pandora’s box”