…I don’t know. Not sure what the ‘label’ is for me.
I feed off dom’s pleasure. I love observing the dom’s face, his voice and whatever I can feel from where he touches me. Soft touch. Hard grabbing. His temperature. His shortening and excited breath. His hoarse voice.
Him having fun doing what he wants to do to me.
Having said that, I’m really not a service sub either.
Will I be excited if the dom does everything he wants to do but what I can’t tolerate or don’t have the slightest interest /pleasure in? I played with such doms too when I was younger.
But no.
Not something I want to do now.
There is an element that I tolerate because I know he wants to do it to me, and he does it because he knows that I want it.
Which ignites this first? I don’t know. It’s like a chemical reaction that keeps on going and going.
That’s why I don’t use the safe word. (Just a word of caution that I vet my partners carefully and I discuss the limits, and I only play with someone with enough experience) Provided that I don’t choose a dom/sadist who wants to destroy me, I’m prepared to go wherever the dom wants to take me.
That’s why my no-gos items are very limited, provided I choose the dom carefully.
That’s why at the moment I may think I can’t tolerate it anymore, I see the gratification in the dom’s face and my mouth, which might have been about to beg to stop, will close, with a smile.
On the other hand, if I see that the dom wants me to beg, I would.
That could be the safe word. The dom sees that I am getting close to the limit. He would prefer to stop as he wouldn’t want to break me in a way he didn’t plan to. He orders me to beg to stop. I…would accept that the dom wouldn’t have fun taking it any further.
That’s why if the dom wants to inflict me a ‘pleasure’ I would gladly take it, even if I might want pain. It’s his urges that push me.
It may work in the opposite way. We might feed off and fuel each other that the dom goes further than he had intended, or I might not stop him and collapse unexpectedly. But that’s what excites me.
It wasn’t like this for me from the start. I had some spontaneous encounters without connecting with the dom, or not caring too much about it.
However, I now feed off the fact that someone who understands me wants to dominate me and see me being dominated by him.
That’s why I can now only be dominated by a person who can connect outside the BDSM, accepts me being a slut when together, and understands me. Then, the same person should hopefully be the mirror of myself. He needs to be a person who gets aroused by my emotions and feelings.
That’s what excites me.