Weirdly wired

I’m an extremely private person.  98% introvert, as my current boss joked.  

But I was thinking about what I did before.  

I went to several BDSM/sex parties.  And this was instigated by me, not my partner.   I dragged him promising different things, which might’ve been fulfilled (may have not).   Some were private parties where I felt really safe.  And of course, my partner was there with me because I dragged him to them.  I hate to be touched by someone else, or someone else to touch my partner when we are having sex.  But the partner didn’t do as I asked (not) to do, so the end wasn’t a good one for me.  But, I loved to watch everyone play or enjoy sex or a BDSM. Mmmmm…am I a voyeur?  

Other parties were more like events about sex or BDSM.  Again, loved to see what was happening and enjoyed people playing or having sex. It was more like a closing event for a week long BDSM event which turned into some crazy BDSM/sex party after midnight.  Well, I did know the organiser so I knew it would turn into a play party. So went there knowing what would happen. 

Not that I had sex with others.  That was an absolute do-not-go-there- limit.  I just loved the atmosphere.  And even just dragging my partner on the floor and having sex with me on top.  I am scratching my head how on earth I ended up in a cowgirl position.  Maybe I had too much alcohol….but no.  I was the designated driver so I didn’t drink. It just shows I can get crazy too.  So I was sober. lol. 

When I look back, I don’t even know why I wanted to go to these.  I wasn’t fit, maybe weighed more than what I am now, but I also saw really big ladies enjoying at the parties and I remember thinking ‘oh it’s so nice to see that they are enjoying’. 

When I was at the parties, I did have different wigs on, different makeups on, and of course, corsets or steampunk on.  It probably felt like I was someone different.  But that doesn’t explain the sex I had with my partner….or how I liked watching things around me. 

Sigh.  No parties post COVID.  And I don’t have a partner to whom I can say ‘I want to go there’….even if there is. 

My mind is wired weirdly.   I can’t understand ‘me’.  This person who my friends and colleagues and family see.  And the person who acts crazy.  

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: