Dream

Damn.  I can keep cursing all day long. 

I’m so sexually frustrated. 

Dreamt of a BDSM encounter.  Based on his sexts and stories. 

In it, I was going nuts with pain and pleasure.  But feeling so cared for and guarded.  Just concentrating on what my body tells me, not what I ‘think’ about it. 

I was somewhat looking at myself objectively and sensed that I wasn’t worried about anything, including how I looked.  Because when I submit, I will be only concentrating on him.  That never happened before.  I always left a cool part of my mind so that I am not in danger.  That was the case even if I was with persons that I ‘trusted’.  So it shows how much trust I had in them. 

I also left it switched on because I didn’t want to emotionally get hurt.  

He was looking at me, with that ‘look’ I noticed when we met once.  Can see the fire in him.  That look excited me.  The look that I wanted to see. 

Yuck.  I don’t want to have a dream about it.  It’s just too much…..

It’s a very happy and the most wonderful dream – provided that I can stay in the dream. 

When I go to sleep, I’ve always used one or another sex scene scenario (usually the ones I made up in the bed), go into a fantasy world and get to sleep.  I don’t know what it is, but it probably took my mind off the ‘real’  world issues like work and made me go to sleep. 

Not sure why it was always a sex scene, like abduction, interrogation and escape. lol.  As I said in another post, it’s usually all three of these.  Interrogated, escape, caught and punished. 🙂 Even his scenario didn’t have all three combined. (how long do we need to do these? lol)

Probably just means I like to be pursued.  I hate to pursue someone.  Never did that. I didn’t have someone that I really wanted to pursue.  

So I had this abduction and interrogation scenario in my head.  Always.  It’s probably the same reason I like BDSM.  There is an intense connection.  One that the interrogator is only looking at me.  And I am looking at him, concentrating on his every move.  And pain, humiliation, brain games and sex.  All included. 

The intensity.  That’s what I love about BDSM, not just sex.  That’s what I love about rough sex (only imagining, though as I don’t have an experience). 

It was the happiest dream. 

Imagining his sex scene was so hot.  In the dream I was coming, but in real life, I can’t.  So sad.  Something is really wrong with me. 
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I hope he will send me the script to deprogramme the hypnosis one he gave me and a video call if he wants to end all this.  I don’t want to end it, but…my voice isn’t probably heard. I might already be forgotten. 

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