Damn. I can keep cursing all day long.
I’m so sexually frustrated.
Dreamt of a BDSM encounter. Based on his sexts and stories.
In it, I was going nuts with pain and pleasure. But feeling so cared for and guarded. Just concentrating on what my body tells me, not what I ‘think’ about it.
I was somewhat looking at myself objectively and sensed that I wasn’t worried about anything, including how I looked. Because when I submit, I will be only concentrating on him. That never happened before. I always left a cool part of my mind so that I am not in danger. That was the case even if I was with persons that I ‘trusted’. So it shows how much trust I had in them.
I also left it switched on because I didn’t want to emotionally get hurt.
He was looking at me, with that ‘look’ I noticed when we met once. Can see the fire in him. That look excited me. The look that I wanted to see.
Yuck. I don’t want to have a dream about it. It’s just too much…..
It’s a very happy and the most wonderful dream – provided that I can stay in the dream.
When I go to sleep, I’ve always used one or another sex scene scenario (usually the ones I made up in the bed), go into a fantasy world and get to sleep. I don’t know what it is, but it probably took my mind off the ‘real’ world issues like work and made me go to sleep.
Not sure why it was always a sex scene, like abduction, interrogation and escape. lol. As I said in another post, it’s usually all three of these. Interrogated, escape, caught and punished. 🙂 Even his scenario didn’t have all three combined. (how long do we need to do these? lol)
Probably just means I like to be pursued. I hate to pursue someone. Never did that. I didn’t have someone that I really wanted to pursue.
So I had this abduction and interrogation scenario in my head. Always. It’s probably the same reason I like BDSM. There is an intense connection. One that the interrogator is only looking at me. And I am looking at him, concentrating on his every move. And pain, humiliation, brain games and sex. All included.
The intensity. That’s what I love about BDSM, not just sex. That’s what I love about rough sex (only imagining, though as I don’t have an experience).
It was the happiest dream.
Imagining his sex scene was so hot. In the dream I was coming, but in real life, I can’t. So sad. Something is really wrong with me.
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I hope he will send me the script to deprogramme the hypnosis one he gave me and a video call if he wants to end all this. I don’t want to end it, but…my voice isn’t probably heard. I might already be forgotten.