Keeping engaged in a long-distance relationship (LDR) is difficult. But not impossible.
It’s not the first time I was in an LDR. It’s not the first time that I was in an LDR that we were only meeting once every 3 months. It’s not the first time that we were both so busy that we couldn’t meet. It’s not the first time that I was in an LDR in a BDSM relationship.
The distance doesn’t matter. I was in a relationship where the other person was living close by but we were so busy that we met face to face only about once a month. And close, meaning within 10 minutes of walk. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? We were both working like 6 am to 1 am (I am still doing that, and I assume he is too) so….no energy left.
I had been in all sorts of LDRs. Probably unusual. So, it doesn’t make me concerned. I feel it’s now it’s easier than before with all the video chats etc. Pre covid, there were, of course, video chats available but I didn’t use them often as the younger people. I used voice calls.
Having a think about it, I think the difference (if it’s not going to be purely online, which I don’t do) is that because they were mostly BDSM, I did have sex and BDSM quite early on. So that we know we are compatible. Like I said in the unsent letter, if the other person doesn’t like my body, sex or BDSM, then it’s over at that point. I never had that issue, because…probably I am honest about myself and make sure that we are aligned before meeting up.
Not actually spending time for BDSM made me anxious a lot. I don’t have anxiety issues….except when it comes to sex or driving a car (that’s another story…haha). I have absolutely no confidence when it comes to anything to do with sex. I was told I make weird noise (lol) but then when I was watching a TV documentary, there were mentions of people of the same nationality making those noises during sex…..so I guess it comes down to what people think is the ‘norm’ about sex? Like….I don’t scream ‘yes’. haha I can’t. Culture issues?
But we did chat on the phone even if it’s 5 minutes (why do I go out with busy people when I am busy? but I think if the other person has more time than me, that can be problematic too) from time to time so that probably helped?
The difficulty is how do we keep each other interested. How do I know that the other person is still interested? The short check-ins helped a lot. The check-ins can be via phone or text.
I guess you can keep a ritual and a dom can assign tasks, but that was never my thing and that was never my doms’ thing. I can now understand why, but still. Thinking….maybe I should’ve asked him to help me lose weight and be active. He did it, in one sense, but probably I could’ve asked him to help me stay on track? Then, that could’ve worked…
…and to doms, if you are going to ask subs to do something, do it that it can be ended when you tell them to stop. For example, if you ask your sub to shave, the sub won’t be able to forget about you until hairs grow back. That’s called torture.
As I wrote before, there needs to be trust both ways to work. The answers we give on a call, email or text are true ones. That we aren’t telling lies. It was so easy this time for me :). I never had that issue. Do I trust a person too much? Maybe but I don’t think so. Again, this comes down to screening people well first.
Honestly, the distance doesn’t matter. That’s not the issue. Craving about the sex, BDSM and the other person….is the issue for me. Loving someone who I cannot see is the issue. I was thinking when I had the last video call with him. A few months back? It’s getting difficult to remember how he looks, how he smiles, his voice and I can imagine it’s the same for him.
But…I would love to know what I could’ve done better….?
Uh hoo. I lost 4 kgs in 5 days with all the turmoil I was in. So this means I lost 10kgs in 6 months and I’m lighter than what I was a few years back. A small win, if I can start eating. Part of me wants to see how much I can lose, but of course not eating is unhealthy….