Childish and attention seeking

It seems weird that I, as a mature woman, seems to get childish when I am with a dominant – either in person or online.

I pride myself on being mature. As I said several times, a problem solver, and analyst.

If I take a step back, I see a woman who is just acting childish. Wanting to be loved as the person who I am, with my kink. Wanting to trust the person. Wanting to be dominated. Wanting to submit.

…and wanting attention.

I warned the dom that I am clingy. He didn’t think much about it. I was very afraid of myself. I know my weakness. I know I’ll start nagging him in every way. I prayed that I won’t. I prayed that I would be stronger this time.

So that I won’t annoy the dominant.

I want to poke him to see if he will look at me.

I noticed that he lost interest in me. Knowing that nothing will help, I couldn’t help myself.

..don’t forget me. Please.

A small woman cries within me. I…poke him in many ways. Hoping that something would work.

It didn’t work. It just pushed him away.

Then I can’t say goodbye to him. I should. I should be able to act as a strong, independent and mature woman. Say to him ‘of course, that’s fine if you lost interest. I’ll find someone better’. Smile and say, then block everything.

I wish I could.

I couldn’t.

The most I was able to do, was to ask him to block me.

Knowing that if only I block, I will unblock him.

That was the best I could do.

I should be happy that I was able to ask him to do so.

A woman in me….is crying…….crying to be loved.

Crying to be dominated. Holding her body strongly with her arms.

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