It seems weird that I, as a mature woman, seems to get childish when I am with a dominant – either in person or online.
I pride myself on being mature. As I said several times, a problem solver, and analyst.
If I take a step back, I see a woman who is just acting childish. Wanting to be loved as the person who I am, with my kink. Wanting to trust the person. Wanting to be dominated. Wanting to submit.
…and wanting attention.
I warned the dom that I am clingy. He didn’t think much about it. I was very afraid of myself. I know my weakness. I know I’ll start nagging him in every way. I prayed that I won’t. I prayed that I would be stronger this time.
So that I won’t annoy the dominant.
I want to poke him to see if he will look at me.
I noticed that he lost interest in me. Knowing that nothing will help, I couldn’t help myself.
..don’t forget me. Please.
A small woman cries within me. I…poke him in many ways. Hoping that something would work.
It didn’t work. It just pushed him away.
Then I can’t say goodbye to him. I should. I should be able to act as a strong, independent and mature woman. Say to him ‘of course, that’s fine if you lost interest. I’ll find someone better’. Smile and say, then block everything.
I wish I could.
I couldn’t.
The most I was able to do, was to ask him to block me.
Knowing that if only I block, I will unblock him.
That was the best I could do.
I should be happy that I was able to ask him to do so.
A woman in me….is crying…….crying to be loved.
Crying to be dominated. Holding her body strongly with her arms.