I have been recently using the word ‘desire’ a lot in this blog. Not sure why. I’m sexually frustrated, maybe.
I’m not into a poly relationship. I know I can’t do it. Especially for BDSM. I know that I care about and I am the type of person that will give full attention to people around me.
Having said that, I don’t always ask the partner to be exclusive with me. Well, to be honest, it depends from the person to person. Whether the other person needs to be exclusive with me, depends on what the other person can give me and how I want to relate to that person. How much time, how much attention s/he can give me and how I feel about him and what s/he could give me and could not give me in totality.
That’s why I am patiently (oh really? he might say otherwise lol) waiting for the day I can meet up with the current person fully knowing the limited amount of time he could give me and other constraints….and even though we haven’t been able to have a BDSM or sex for 7 months.
That’s why I evaluate each relationship on its own. I would probably not wait for this long if it was another person.
My ex-BDSM partner was leading a discussion on relationship anarchy on one of the sites. He had so many FWB or sex buddies but stated to me that the relationship anarchy described what he was doing. I’ll let you go find information about this. In short, it says that you have the capacity to love more than one person, and love with one person won’t diminish the love with another person.
I felt that he was using this concept to just do whatever they want to do. No commitment and fucking so many ladies every week? He told me about this, but when I asked whether he told about this concept to others, he said no. He said to others that the relationship with them is simple FWBs. mmmm…..I did wonder then, whether it can be classified as relationship anarchy. He was using the concept to say [to me] why he couldn’t be exclusive. Maybe just call him an a-hole. He used the term FWB to others, relationship anarchy to me, to avoid any commitment and relationship. I thought that the concept of relationship anarchy was that every person involved know that they are in this relationship and agree to it, including the limitations and expectations.
To be fair to him, he did support me when I had a big issue in my life and he did all he could to support me so he did more than he initially said he was willing to do. Maybe that was more than he was willing to do for an FWB.
In the end, he did cut all relationships with others and wanted to be exclusive, but my decision at the time was that ‘I couldn’t believe him’. I simply didn’t like the way that he used FWB or relationship anarchy to sleep with as many ladies (do what he wanted to do) but to avoid commitments or responsibilities. I just wondered why he thought why if he had explained our (meaning he and I) relationship as one of relationship anarchy and not FWB. Just because I was into kink and thought I would understand?
Don’t use the relationship anarchy label to walk over your partner.
I don’t care how the relationship between a person and me is labelled. I might be a lover, mistress, FWB, sub, girlfriend, partner….. it may also be relationship anarchy. As I said I know what I can accept depending on what I need at the time and decide at the time. I don’t think my friends and therapists fully understand this too.
I since know someone else who used the word relationship anarchy to describe his and his partner’s relationship. When I asked what it means (acted as if I didn’t know anything), in front of the partner, he couldn’t exactly explain. Don’t fall for the fancy label. If your partner can’t explain what it means, what restrictions he has, in terms of, time, attention, what he could give….turn around.