BDSM, or subbing for me, is all about intensity.
As I wrote about in the previous post, the desire to be wanted and please which are more intense than those of vanilla sex. I don’t want to be pleased. I want that strong intensity, whether it is pain, sex or making him pleased. I don’t want to be happy…or not happy until we are finished with the scene.
The intensity of pain, screaming and crying.
No warm-ups if the Dom doesn’t want to.
The intensity of endurance. Trying to elongate the scene until the Dom is satisfied with me and the scene. The intensity that I can only experience at that moment. Make me forget anything outside the scene.
That’s why I haven’t used any safe words. Because I want to see how far I can go to please the Dom. Even if I pass out. However, I must admit I have never passed out.
It is why I want to experience the session with someone whom I trust. I’ll be handing over everything…my body, my sense, my brain. Just want to go empty to be filled by whatever he gives me.
I want to enjoy sex which has been amplified by this intensity of BDSM. I haven’t experienced any before. I want to play with a Dom with high sadism and high sex drive.
I want to see the intense desire of the Dom wanting me. I want to see the Dom losing control.
Having said all that, with a right person, I know that his light touch, sensory deprivation of me and dark, quiet words will also intensify my sense. Intensify my body.
That intensity that I cannot get in everyday life or vanilla sex…. That’s what I want.
This is why many find BDSM more attractive – intense desire