I don’t quite understand how my libido goes up and down. I can live without thinking about it for quite a long period, like 5 years. Not thinking about sex or BDSM.
Then, when I start to think about it, it’s almost uncontrollable. I wondered if my depression and unbelievably long work hours have something to do with it (especially when I am not feeling anything) but I don’t think so. As the long hours haven’t changed much and I am feeling sexually aroused which is the opposite of what had happened before in similar circumstances.
I know my sexual desires are very strong, but until recently I wasn’t able to climax. Even when I masturbate. I just couldn’t let myself go. Even if I didn’t want to let my partner see me come, it shouldn’t have been an issue when I was masturbating by myself. …but I just couldn’t.
I said ‘until recently’ because the person I have been communicating with changed that. Not sure what happened…..but through texts and hypnosis I was able to come and come easily. It also got stronger. I am sure this is because I trusted him and I knew that he wasn’t just having fun trying to make me come. I knew that he wanted me to experience sexual climax and enjoy it. I wanted to try (oh…what a weird word…try to enjoy sex) too.
For some reason, I decided to get a vibrator too and started to use it. I used to rely on my Hitachi massager for a long time and that meant I only came by clit stimulation. Then, we discussed G spot stimulation and that’s why I got a vibrator for G spot stimulation.
I think all the texts and hypnosis just heightened my libido….just too much. It’s probably because we haven’t had any BDSM or sex sessions as well. There are days I just want to use the vibrator so often! I feel like I’m going crazy. Adding to it, I can’t always come every time. Maybe come every once in five times? So, my frustration builds up. Not sure what I should do about it. I may have easily climaxed when I was playing with him online, but it’s just difficult when I’m trying by myself.
It can be related to my suppressing of sexual desires in the past. I might need to be ordered to come…..haha…..I think the potential Dom conditioned me too well and just too much….it’s getting difficult.
Blame it on him! Not my fault!
Oh well, that’s fine, but my libido is soooooo out of control now.
Sigh…..Last time I had this, I did something stupid but at least I won’t do that…I know I won’t.