Bit of ups and downs. Everything from my work, health and the comms with the potential Dom.
It meant that I haven’t been able to work out as I used to, and it’ll take a while to get back up to speed in exercising. All I’m doing is 20 minutes of cycling in the gym and rowing which aren’t much. I will take it slowly.
My weight is back up several kilos, which isn’t ideal but again, I will take one thing at a time. Mental health (I think it’s back up), and sorting out work (I think it’s OK now too) are my priorities.
Meaning, I’m not in an ideal position to meet the Dom even if we are extremely lucky and can meet. I freaked out and lost quite a lot of weight through exercises several months ago, so going up a few kilos aren’t of course, ideal. But it’s OK.
If we are lucky, and we are able to meet, I think I’ll take it as is and see how it will go. If he isn’t happy with how I look, that’s sad, but I still weigh less than how much I was last September and I need to be happy with it. It gave me back some confidence that I can still lose weight when and if I want to. At least, we met face to face once which gives me some comfort.
I have some comfort that he likes me for the whole package and that’s because he let me who I am. As much as he has concerns about his age (lol! doesn’t matter to me at all), I like him as is, to the full extent I know him. So, I am starting to get a little bit in peace with my body. Will see how it goes. Even if I lose weight, I know I won’t be like sexy or skinny ladies.
I’m just trying to take one step at a time. I was sorting out my closet the last weekend and although I gained several kilos, I had so many dresses that I hadn’t been able to fit into but can fit again. Some were nice lingeries, some corsets etc. That itself was so nice to know.
I think going mental down spiral and nagging him will be more turn off for him, rather than me gaining several kilos? …well let’s hope so.