I had to take my mind off something that happened at work. Or else I would’ve just gone mad all day long.
So, took a break and as I work from home, I went to my personal laptop and started just browsing. I was trying to find a website that my friend told me about, but couldn’t find it. However, as it was something about BDSM, I started to read whatever Google spat out about keywords that I entered. At least it took my minds off the issues at work. So with tea cup in my hand…I started reading.
Some psychology articles were interesting. In 2001, there was a study conducted in Australia that 2% of sexually active people engaged in BDSM. 2%…I wonder if 50 shades changed anything in these 20 years. And why did they conduct a research only with “sexually active” people? I only saw the summary so I wanted to see what definitions the researchers used. (but no I didn’t pay for it) What’s the definition of BDSM at 2000-2001? How did they choose “sexually active” people by a phone research? Did they choose people who only answered that they had sex more than X days per week? Interesting. Did it have to be sexually active people? I have a feeling that psychiarists thought BDSM must be engaged by sexually active people only at that time.
Another article was talking about personality traits and the types of sex that people engage.
Where I had chuckle was, where it said that detail oriented and organised people like to follow rules and don’t like BDSM. Really? I think the person who I am communicating with and I are both detail oriented and organised. In the same paragraph, this researcher said that this type of people construct elaborate, planned fantasy which goes into details. This part, I agree. I think the reason why I like his fantasy is because they have enough details to set the scene but also leave out just the right detail for me to imagine the rest. I know we may not completely be imagining the exact same scene, but that doesn’t matter. He is there. I am there.
But if he forgets something and jumps to a thing that doesn’t make sense, I like to tease him. For example, my head was supposed to be covered by a pillowcase. The next scene, I was supposed to suck him….hey…..how? Can you take it off? I’m bad…. haha…..we were playing by text, so I should have just let it go.
But he nor I would go into something we don’t know, unless it’s something really out of reality such as alien etc which we can imagine anything.
I love his fantasies, including the writings on the Fet, because he is good at setting that fine line of enough details and leaving the rest to each reader, including me.
Why I say this, is because I used to have a partner who was into hypnosis (and was really good), and he tried to go back set a scene in my home country, about 200 years ago. The issue was that, he didn’t know enough about the country or history, so when he was setting the scene, I was going….’uh no……that didn’t exist….lol’ in my mind. He was trying to be creative and nice, but it’s tough, isn’t it?
The same article also said extroverts are less likely to have taboo sexual fantasies. Mmmm… really? I do admit the most of the people in the BDSM community I’ve met were more towards introverted nature. It’s quite interesting that my Mistress friends were more extroverts but not necessarily male doms. Or, it could simply be introvert me attracting similar people.
I love reading these psychology articles about BDSM, but the more I think about it, I wonder about how much researches were done by people who understand BDSM or tried to understand it.
What’s BDSM? If a couple thinks that if one held the wrists of the other, or if they covered the other’s eyes, that’s BDSM, who can say that it’s not? The person who liked hypnosis thought that he wouldn’t find a partner unless it’s in the kinky community (or stating about the kink in the profile on the vanilla dating sites). To me, that was nowhere near BDSM, but who can say it’s not? I didn’t care what it’s called.
I love this research done in 2018. I don’t completely agree with some of the statements and I may be somewhat different from other people into BDSM. But again, that’s BDSM.
Practising BDSM can be understood as a process of increasing expansion, creation and connection, in which desire is seen not as something we lack or need but rather as a process of striving and self-enhancement. Exploring the becoming process more fully can provide a better understanding as to why some people choose to practise BDSM.
So this was a distraction from work. Can’t I stop thinking?