I’m feeling better after a terribly busy week…but then getting sexually frustrated? lol
Without sex for about 5 years? I’m not counting…can’t remember.
Usually I’m like I’d rather not have sex as I can’t do one-night stand anyway. Building up a relationship is hard for me. But on the other hand, I don’t want to go back and have casual sex with my ex-doms who contacted me. They are safe. One of them is the one I quite liked. On the other hand, our relationship turned into vanilla which I wasn’t happy with.
Probably because through the communication with the current person I am communicating with, I was starting to understand, after close to 30 years, what I want and I like.
I am quite flexible. There are not many hard limits. Probably too flexible even if I really didn’t enjoy what I was required to do. Well, at least, I can say that because I have experienced most of the BDSM plays, I can say which ones I won’t enjoy.
So, whilst the current messaging was going on, I was really thinking about what I want, what I like and what I dislike. Not just about the direct questions about BDSM and sex, but with other stuff like what I look for my Dom, and what I look in the relationship. As I said I didn’t want to regret it again, so I was honest. It was pure luck that what we like are pretty similar. I’m also sure that once we experience time together, there will be further discussion.
That’s why whilst we had so many things that stopped us from meeting up or enjoy BDSM and sex, I decided to wait. I won’t deny it’s sometimes difficult, but then when I think about it, I’d rather wait and it also suits my current lifestyle. I can be so busy at times and I need someone who understands that (although whether I am ‘that’ understanding when he is busy is another question). I want a person who understands who I am, good or bad, respects me for who I am. Then, wants to dominate because who I am. Just because I am a sub, doesn’t mean I can be looked down. Just because I am overweight, I didn’t want that to be used against me.
HAVING SAID ALL OF THE ABOVE, the messaging has triggered my sexual senses. Before I decided to get back to BDSM, I had no toys, hadn’t masturbated. Watched some BDSM videos but that was all. Discussing what I like, what I wanted to be done, what I want to try (haha. not the BDSM but more on sex side), sexts, etc all ignited something in me.
I’m dreaming so much recently. About BDSM and sex with him. It’s easier when I have something to start out. The fanstasies we exchanged. The online roll playing. I had thought I would hate these before. Surprised that I enjoyed fantasies and dreaming what continues from the fantasies he came up with. It must be a safe place for me. I used to have terrible nightmares about sex, so if I am dreaming a session with him, I think I am feeling safe, comfortable and…..aroused. It’s quite a surprise for me.
I can’t wait for the day I can hear him, touch him, look into his eyes and be dominated by him.