I know I said ‘I don’t care’ several times on this blog. And I will probably repeat it here.
I think where we are at, doesn’t fit into any of the existing categories of a (BDSM) relationship.
It’s a strictly BDSM only relationship. We have our own lives outside BDSM. However, I don’t think I can do a bedroom only BDSM relationship.
Sure. If we wanted only one-off BDSM, maybe we could’ve tried. Maybe that could’ve been easier. If we wanted that and if we knew that it was going to be a one-off, we would’ve probably jumped into the session rather than having a coffee. Then, the result would’ve been that we both were likely to be disappointed that something wasn’t right and stopped there anyway.
But I didn’t want one-off BDSM or sex. If I did engage in such BDSM, even if everything was discussed in detail, there could be a sexual pleasure from my body reacting to what the other person does to me but it won’t be a submission for me even if everything the other person do may be categorised as what is known as sadism or domination. I’ll probably be having BDSM sessions with my ‘ideal master’ in my mind whilst engaging in physical BDSM so that I can get some sexual pleasure.
I think he has two types of BDSM – light touched and fun one and a serious one. Again, the light touched or one-off one can be done with almost anyone, but he would’ve lost interest after a while. We also decided that the serious and intense BDSM is what we wanted to try.
I need to trust and respect the potential dom to consider a submission. The dom must earn my submission. Sounds arrogant? I’m sure I had to earn the right to submit to him and be dominated by him. It goes both ways. I have been mostly honest this time. I say mostly, because there were times that I felt ‘if I say this, this ends now’, and decided to wait. However, I have been honest, more than against other doms and play partners. He made me deep dive into what I really want.
So if it’s not a bedroom only relationship, are we 24/7 (through online) relationship? Yes and No. No, because we have parts of our lives that are off-limits to the other. We also won’t be only chatting about BDSM and he won’t be demanding some BDSM related acts suddenly turning into a dom mode (unless I agree!). Yes because we are exclusive in terms of BDSM and deeply care about each other as a dom and as a sub.
Given COVID and other issues, we have been constantly changing and agreeing on how this relationship would work. How it works at that moment and how it would work after we had a session is likely to change. If our BDSM styles (despite so much information exchange and discussions) don’t match, it will end there, which is my fear. It’s fluid. There are so many unknowns that I’m sure this will change even by day, if it needs to.
Being honest and transparent helped this constant change of agreed relationship. I might’ve been too transparent at times, making him concerned. My health, stress at work. I knew I had to disclose them, as it impacted our communication frequency as well.
It’s not online-only relationship, but the reality is that we need to maintain the online relationship. I won’t say that the length of messages or frequency is everything. However, given that it is online only at the moment, the decrease of messages worry me that his interest may be fading (from various reasons). That’s why I mark the messages that he sent to me even if it’s a short message, so that I won’t forget. We are still thinking how to enable the realtionship we want, without shielding too much information from each other and what we can. Honesty is the key. not sure when we can discuss, though. But I want to wait for them. Fingers crossed that he woud. I can’t wait how it would feel being dominatd by him.