Five minutes ago, until we were back in this hotel, we were chatting about our professional lives, our corporate war stories and how we always seem to win impossible. Other than some moments we were sipping our wines and when you were looking at me in a serious manner (mmm. I wonder what you were imagining) we were chatting non-stop. Someone else who overheard us would’ve thought that our conversation was almost arrogant talking who is better between us. However I am sure that no one would’ve believed one of the two was in fact a submissive.
But I became less and less talkative on our way back to the hotel. I’m sure you noticed but you decided to say nothing.
When I closed the door behind my back, the sound of the door closing almost felt as if someone had banged the door. It wasn’t that big but felt like it. I didn’t even realise that I was holding on to the door knob behind my back. I think I just needed to hold on to something.
I can see you take off your suit jacket, place it over a chair and then you start to roll up your sleeves. My mouth is dried up and I keep on following your every move.
Before I realise, you are standing in front of me. You take my bag that I was also strongly gripping on, and place it on a table.
I should follow you and step forward. I feel like I will trip over if I let this door knob.
You come back to me, standing so close to me in front of me. You start kissing me and at the same time your hand is holding my neck in behind. I feel trapped but I finally let the door knob go as I wanted to touch you too. I also feel protected by you in a small space you created. I’m feeling bit dreamy from our wines and you kiss.
After the moment that I felt so long, you stop kissing me, hold my jaw with your long fingers and ask-
“What do you want?” In a deep voice. It’s the voice I have never heard before. it’s not the voice I heard over the phone talking nonsense and laughing.
I close my eyes. Gosh I love his deep voice. Coarse voice. Aroused.
“Answer” your grip tightens. A slight irritation.
I’m bit in a dreamy world. I might’ve had too much booze which is unusual for me. It was very unusual for me to talk that much too.
“You know what I want” I look up and I say in a strong voice.
“Say it” your hands grabbing the back of my neck gets tighter and you make me look upward.
I look up into your eyes and say –
“I want you to break me”
You gasp. Yeah. We talked about it but I’m sure you were planning to treat me nicely tonight. …it’s our first night. ‘How about vanilla with some sprinkles on the top’ was what you said early on.
Break me so that I cannot think anything but you.
I want this night to be tattooed in me with pains and bruises. Everywhere you touch me. Inside and out.
Something that I cannot replicate by myself. Bruised on my skin. Bruised from inside. Something that I will feel sad when it fades away. When it fades away I will be begging you to come back.
Break me so much that you want me even when you think you can’t fuck me more. I know that’s what you want.
Make me scared about how powerful you are. How powerless I am, every inch of me controlled by you. How you can make me into a submissive whom nobody has ever seen.
I trust you and give you a permission to break me. Make me scream and cry and beg. I don’t want to see you calmly dominate me. I want to see you wanting me so much that you may lose control from time to time. And show me your side that you never shown to anyone else.
I will provoke you. I will beg you. My eyes will tell you what I want. Saying do not stop. More and more.
I will be a submissive. I will be a slut. I will be a whore. Because that’s what you want to see. You know that it’s still me. Parts of me that I will only show to you.
We agreed on a safe word. You said you never needed it. I’ve never needed it either. Take me to the point that I struggle whether I should use it. But I won’t. Because I want to take anything you give me and remember it.
You will break me with a pleasure that only you can give me. Bondage and sex and pain. What a sweet combination.
You promised to make me come so many times. Make me. So much that I start to hate you. Because I know I will miss it when we are not together. Because I know I can’t replicate them by myself. I know I will be thinking how you touched me, looked at me, fucked me.
You know what kind of ‘rough sex’ I want. I will fight as that turns me on. My dream rough sex with you, someone I trust the most.
And when we both think we can’t go any further, I beg you…again? Until I cry that we ran out of time.
“Really?” You ask. Oh your voice changed again. Your look changed. No more hesitation. Good.
“Yes” I say….”Master”
I close my eyes. Where will you start?
You are breathing heavily. And I am too.
Your hand starts to check how wet I am.
There is no need to check, is there?