Weird things happen at weird times.
I had past doms contact me this week again. They contacted me a while ago too. At that time, I wondered what to do too.
With the things going on with the person I have been communicating with, I might’ve jumped on it. At least, I know them – good and bad. They are safe. I won’t have any issues sleeping with them.
However, reading their messages didn’t make me want to be dominated by them. Didn’t make me want to have sex. Didn’t make me want to be hypnotised (by one of them).
I would have, maybe a year ago and 6 months ago when they contacted me. For some reason, these two guys contact me around the same time. lol.
Thinking about BDSM or sex with them didn’t make me feel sexy. They can’t dominate me in a way I want to be dominated. They can give me a part of what I want, but that’s not a big part of what I crave when I weigh it against what they can’t give me. They may be able to give me what the prospective dom can’t give me, but that is very low on my priority list.
It worked when I was deceiving myself about what I wanted, and when I was happy with just being with someone.
For the past 6 months, I had to rethink what I really wanted.
It’s weird. Both of them are nice in their own way.
But that niceness is not what I want. I want to be dominated by bruising strength, brutally and by power. To the extent that I may feel scared. The scare that turns me on.
They are smart and intelligent – what I look for in any person. However, not good enough….
The sex with them is soft and caring.
But that’s not what I want. I want crushing sex that I would scream. Scream for pain. Scream for pleasure. To the extent, he has to cover my mouth. I want to feel strength everywhere. Within me, on my skin. A pain and pleasure that I can’t help but cry. Hair pulled. Bitten on my skin. Slapped hard. His fingers bruising my wrist holding me, and everywhere.
The pain given by belts, his hands and a cane.
Only coming when allowed to. Sweet release.
I want to be dominated. I want to see him wanting to dominate me.
I want him to need me. I want to feel needed. Not just any sub. Me.
Hypnotised by his words. His voice.
Our play being us using our brains to the max to test the others. Reading the other. Hiding the thoughts.
Sorry guys. You are not who I want now. I found who I want. “The” person who I want to be dominated.