I sometimes just go into a small girl mode. I can’t help it.
By that, I know it doesn’t help to say it, but I just say anything I want to the prospective Dom.
And the big girl comes back saying to me, ‘uh that wasn’t a right thing to say to him. You are now in a trouble’. And I start to worry that I shouldn’t have said it and what to do about it.
The funny thing is that he is the only person who makes/let me do this. I don’t know how he managed to make me so comfortable that I turn into a small girl just crying for what she wants and repeating ‘I want this!’ like a kid wanting a lolly. I do manage stop myself from sending stupid messages 9 times out of 10 times. Because these messages are usually just blaming him and asking to do things he can’t control. But there are times I just write a message and send. Thinking for next few minutes whether I should recall the message.
I’m usually very good at restraining my emotions. I only release it when I am in a sub mode, but by that, I mean when we are in the session. That’s why I like to be a sub. I can forget all the cares and just let Dom take charge.
Even with other Doms, I only let my emotions out during the session. Outside the session, I’m/was calm and act mature because that was who they wanted to dominate.
The little girl is scared. She doesn’t want let go the Dom’s hand which was extended to her to guide her.
My small girl and big girl is always fighting inside me. It’s really getting difficult to stop the small girl from poking her head out and trying to control me.
Sigh. How can I stop being unreasonable and childish?
or maybe the play is kind of therapeutic way of getting out what’s hidden deep inside you? BDSM play is known to be used as a therapeutic tool. Maybe your problem is not that your child is getting out too much, but not enough? Maybe you need to let that kid run around, and do what she wants and embrace it?