Why am I into BDSM? and what makes me excited?
I can’t say. Really. The person whom I am playing with. The play itself. How I feel. How he feels. Different factors matter.
However, there is one play that I remember.
I have been always a pain slut. Submitting itself also excited me.
Then, on one occasion, I played with a dom who wanted to do a ‘food play’. I had no idea what it is. He explained to me, and once I agreed, he went to for a grocery shopping. I waited wondering what’s going to happen. Not really able to imagine how it’s going to be.
He was back with some groceries. Milk, yoghurt, cream …..you get the idea. Sticky or liquids.
Not sure what I need to do, I sat there. Then he started open the containers and started to pour the contents over me. Really, over my head. I was laughing and spilling some over him, throwing some against him, licking creams on him, licking my sticky fingers slowly with my tongues…slowly and provocatively.
I saw him getting excited, gradually. I was looking into his eyes, looking directly into how he was getting excited.
He wasn’t touching me. I did touch him and lick him because he didn’t stop me when I did. But he was getting excited. I was getting excited. With something that I thought I wouldn’t get excited.
It really made me realise that I want to see the dom getting excited with me. The same thing can happen with sex, but not exactly the same. There is something really dark. Dark desire. The deep connection that we share and only we share at that moment. In that room and at that space. Only at that second. Perverse, immorality.
It’s going to be different the next time I play with..even… the same dom. That sharing of guilt, dark fantasy and sexual pleasure….that must be what I am looking for.