Edging

So…..I’m masturbating about 2-3 times a day….feel like going crazy.

However, also getting frustrated as I edge and I don’t completely come. That’s why I can’t just have one masturbation. Really frustrating.

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I don’t think I’ve truly come in BDSM, sex or masturbation…

I know why I couldn’t come in sex, partly physical issues and partly psychological. The physical issue was fixed (I think) about 4 years ago, but psychological issue? probably not fixed yet.

I just can’t let myself go. So whether it’s sex with a partner or a masturbation without a partner, I simply build myself up and then stop just before the peak. Not sure why, but I get scared at the last moment.

I kind of understand why I edge when I am with someone else, but not sure why I do it even when I’m alone. There is nobody to see me, even if I look ugly. So it should be OK, but I just can’t let myself go.

The issue is that…..the more I masturbate, the more my heat in the body builds up. I want a release but I just can’t.

I don’t know what happens when I am able to have a BDSM and sex session with the prospective dom….I probably still edge as I have been doing 30 years….weird. I truly I don’t understand myself.

It’s also dangerous as I sometimes feel like I should stop all this, and shouldn’t even masturbate if I can’t come. I should’ve have sex. I should’ve play BDSM, because if I can’t come, I’ll be disappointed with me, then disappointed with the Dom. Then, means that I will probably repeat the previous failed relationships. The Dom will think there is something wrong with me, and the relationship will fail. If that’s the case, I just feel like I want to avoid the disappointment before it happens.

What takes me not to edge? I wonder. Sometimes crying to myself.