Recently, I done something crazy.
For whatever reason, on one sunny weekend afternoon, I suddenly wanted to share the BDSM clips (which can be found online) that I like with the prospective Dom. Don’t ask why. I don’t even know. And did it.
It’s probably good that I felt comfortable that I could share these with him. Looking back, I can’t even think of one dom whom I would’ve shared these. There was one person who shared his favourite, but that was on the youtube. I wonder if he even tried these porn sites.
I was watching my favourites and suddenly thought about sharing them. I’m obviously going crazy. lol I don’t mind sharing about novels, but porn sites? I think I got too comfortable sharing my thoughts with him. Knowing that he won’t say ‘videos on a porn site?!’
He shared his favourites, which just happened to be on the same site. That was funny.
Mmmmmmmmm……Interesting…..why are there channels that a real sadist is filming included? (why did I even know before even watching a clip? lol) Do the recommended videos mean that he is more of a sadist than I thought? Oh well, I’m fine with that and I do want to experience his sadism.
I’ve not hidden that I like pain in the BDSM sessions. It’s always difficult to explain how much pain a dom enjoys inflicting or a sub wants. So, these videos did give me some indication of what he wants to do, which was fine. If I want to stop him, I can say to him that I don’t want to go that far, which I also know that I can say to him. Unless I provoke him too much (which I’m thinking how far I want to go…..really?….will I regret it? let’s see), he is also planning to take things slowly.
I thought I would never go back to being a masochist, more because I didn’t think I could trust someone so much to allow it. Previously it was more like damaging myself by letting others inflict pain on me. I thought I would never go back to letting others do that to me, or allowing me to do that to me.
However, I’m starting to feel different. Having found someone who is skilled and experienced in inflicting pains (which is very important…I would never play pain plays with a beginner), a person who also genuinely enjoys inflicting pains, and also knowing that the pain plays that we enjoy are similar (for example, I don’t think I want to go back to any needle plays), I wanted to go back into the pain plays with him (only him), if he wished to.
It’s going to be very exciting to be feeling pains inflicted by him. He has my total trust to push me to the extent he wants. So, having thought that I was out of pain plays, and when we started communicating on the basis that pain plays weren’t involved, this change within myself was very interesting.
Nothing surprised me watching his recommendations. As we did through sexts, exchanging stories, this was another way of us sharing our desires and dreams. It only confirmed what I already knew.
The interesting thing was that, I don’t get excited by subs in the videos screaming (I’m not a dom, obviously). So I turn off any sounds when I watch. I don’t really care about what they are saying.
He obviously doesn’t turn off sounds and is thinking about the plot of the story too, commenting that he likes the stories of some videos.
I wonder where the difference comes from. The picture going on in the video may not be so relevant for me, because I might use the videos to create a scene in my mind and change it as I pleases. If it’s in a language that I don’t understand, of course, it almost means nothing to me anyway.
Anyway. It was oversharing……I’m gradually going crazy……..and I blame it 100% on him….