Happy New Year to everyone.
I was reading a private BDSM Discord channel and ladies were talking about their favourite sex positions. Whilst they looked interesting, I’m not sure how they (both men and women) can be so flexible. Some did look interesting, though. But I can imagine my body parts cramping if I ask to try them!
There were some discussions about how flexible your BDSM limits are.
For me, I can only say ‘depends on the Dom’. Except for some hard limits, I would like to enjoy what the Dom enjoys too. For beginners, I give different advice. So this is about me. Having experienced quite a wide range of plays in the past, I know my absolute limits. The flip side is true too. I don’t like the Dom to be a service Dom and do not want him to do what he doesn’t want to do, just because I want/like it.
There will be some gray zones. That is, there could be things that we are both willing to try and expand the limits. Nothing wrong with it, but my preference at this time is that the Dom already has necessary skills and experience so I don’t think I will be engaging in such acts (if any). I can say that it’s not fun when I have to worry if the Dom knows what he is doing to me.
In the past, I do admit that I engaged in some plays that I didn’t like, but Dom liked. Whilst I feed off from the Dom doing what he likes to do to me, and being excited by inflicting those acts on me, there were plays that just didn’t make me really aroused because I wasn’t into it. I guess it was OK at that time, because I was still a beginner and exploring various BDSM plays were nice (so that I can understand what I like and what I don’t).
I don’t like the terms ‘service Dom’ but then….isn’t there a some aspect in the BDSM that a Dom is a service Dom? If a Dom keeps on doing what a sub doesn’t like to do, that’s just abuse.
I was lucky this time. The person that I accidentally met has very similar tastes in terms of the BDSM. I’m thinking whether there is anything that he wants to do, but I don’t want to. Maybe one thing that I might not be able to do at the moment due to physical issues but I’ve told him to that. I will monitor and see whether I can engage in that play or not listening to my bodies. I’ve experienced it before and I know that it actually excites me a lot. Our hard limits are similar or same.
There are one or two things that I am wondering whether I will enjoy or not, but they are not in my hard limits. They are also not in my soft limits. I just didn’t enjoy with others guys, but I think I might enjoy with this person, as he sounds skilled if I believe him.
My issue as a submissive is that I like to please the Dom to the maximum extent. That meant, as I said above, I might have agreed to certain things that were in the hard limit basket. Even if the Dom phrased it as a ‘punishment’, I shouldn’t have agreed to it, and used the safe word. It was Ok to use the safe word, but I was inexperienced to do so. I felt like the safe words are for pains. Then, I felt really bad about myself that I let the Dom do so.
My soft limits will change depending on the Dom.
The limits can be about sex. It doesn’t have to be about the BDSM.
The limits can be about something completely different. By that, I mean, I imagine lots of fantasies and role play scenes when I am imagining by myself about BDSM. I write stories. I write BDSM scripts for some audio providers (although I might stop that for a while now that I have a potential Dom as I want to imagine with his voice, not the voice actor’s voice). However, I never wanted to or did engage in a BDSM role playing. Thought they were ridicuclous. I didn’t have anyone who was interested in it. So I could say that it was in my soft limit basket. It’s been thrown out of the limit basket this time. I have someone who is imaginative, who can also be flexible if we were to play a role playing BDSM and if I disturb his predetermined story script. To me, both of us using our brains (can I? when I’m being inflicted pains and pleasure?) to role play is extremely fun and sexy.
This time, the BDSM is not going to be something that I engage to hurt myself. It is going to be something that I would enjoy, and something that I would get the maximum sexual arousal and pleasure. I feel really lucky that I have a potential Dom who would like me to do so, and will not abuse my flexibility as a sub.
I have a safeword. I told him the safeword. I have never used the safe word and I do not think I will. But I feel like even if I have to use it, I won’t feel like I failed.