It’s a warm Christmas day in Australia. I was planning to work as I didn’t have any plans as usual, but a commotion with an unexpected guest has upset my plan.
I wish it was something sexy, but no. My first foster care adult cat arrived yesterday and we had enough drama in less than a day.
Too tired to work and not feeling well (thank god for a rapid COVID test which showed negative), I decided to spend the day just quietly.
I don’t take my BDSM lightly. Someone can call me a sub, but I may not be submitting. I may call someone a master, but that doesn’t mean I submit to him. I used to ‘play’ the game of BDSM.
Anyone can learn how to inflict pleasure and pain. You can learn ropes, whips, wax, sexual techniques. You can learn words to use. Those are just techniques that anyone can learn. With practices, I guess most of the dominant can make them their own, although the length of time to perfect may differ from person to person.
I’ve engaged in BDSM just for my sexual pleasure a number of times. I’ve engaged in BDSM just so that I can steam out my sexual frustration. If a Dom wants me to kneel in the scene, I would have because that’s what we have agreed and that’s the scene he wanted. I can read what he wants and act accordingly.
However, I have never knelt to someone other than ‘playing’ and acting my part as a sub.
To truly submit, I have to totally give rein to the other person. I need to have such a person.
To truly dominate, I can’t demand domination. He needs to give it to me. He needs to want to dominate.
Both are free wills. When there is this agreement which is based on trust, bond and communication, I think it is when BDSM is so powerful and sexual. Allowing my body to be used for his pleasure. That’s my liberation. There is a power exchange. Trust that he would use me as he pleases, what he does will give me a pleasure, and he would also guide my sexual pleasure.
Through communications, we know where the boundaries are. That boundaries will form a space for both of us to let ourselves take free rein. It may be less so for a Dom as he would need to keep some sort of calmness so that we won’t go over the boundaries and either of us feeling like the session was a failure. However, when I trust the Dom, I also trust that he would know how much the boundaries can be expanded, and not hurt either of us. Yes, it includes not hurting the Dom as well. I trust that he guides me well whatever journey he has in his mind about me. He trusts me that I would not lie and act when I should not.
It took a lot of communications for both of us to earn the other’s trust. This time, I never felt like I was exploited. I hope he feels the same about me. (Mmm….I hope so. Was I too cheeky in some instances knowing how he would feel and react?) We care for each other. The care isn’t/shouldn’t be one way from a Dom to a sub. It goes otherway too. So that we can enjoy to the full extent when we are together. So that this relationship can continue as long as possible.
We have discussed and what our remits are, including the remits of this relationship. What we have agreed at the moment is probably not the same as what we had in mind when we initially started communicating, or what we may have agreed in the past. It is always evolving. I am not even sure if it will be the same in several months time. However, I know we will keep negotiating so that this relationship will last long as possible as it can.
Because I trust him, I can tell him straight that I am not going to be a door mat. Because he trusts me, he know that I say that because I know that it is not a door mat sub that he wants.
Because I trust him, I know that whatever happens in the scene will be what he wants to do or inflict on me, because it is me. I know that it is something that he wants to do with me.
Because he trusts me, he knows that what he does is within my consent. Or else, I would have or I will speak up.
I feel it took a lot of effort on both sides to trust and agree what ‘our’ BDSM and relationship will be.
We haven’t played yet, so there are still concerns I have. There are concerns that may be solved by the time I play, and there will be concerns that I will probably keep inside me to see what happens.
I’ve never played with or had sex with someone I trust this much. I’ve never played with someone that I respect so much. I’ve never played with someone who cares about me so much.
…So, how would I react this time? I want to completely give up myself. Can I? Will I?
Will he accept what I give him?
Trust is such a weighted word these days. It scares me, sometimes. It is hard for me to trust any more. I struggle with it. I have to constantly remind myself that Bunny has does nothing to warrant me being so cautious, but she knows my past worries and is accepting of it and patient.
I hope your Sir accepts your gift. The way you right about it is delectable. It is always most interesting to read through the thought process from the s-side.
Thank you for sharing.