To sext or not?

Well…Where I live in Australia will be mandating masks again. I hope we do not have to go back to another lockdown (be it current strand or next mutation of the COVID). Whilst I agree with cautious measure as I have health issues, but I don’t think I can cope it if there is another lockdown.

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To sext or not? Everyone has a different answer. It’s not simple as Yes or No.

It could go to ‘how much’ of sexual content you allow in the sexts. And what the sext is. For example, a dom telling sub to do something sexual is a sext.

To me, it was No.

I had someone who were always drunk and requested a sext, to talk dirty and send pics before. I was crying but felt like I had to (no. I didn’t and that relationship ended quite quickly). I didn’t trust this person about sending anything sexual over texts (meaning texts with sexual nature) as well. Sigh. A high ranked policeman being the most untrustworthy person to the date.

There was someone who wanted to engage in voice hypnosis and sex calls. It’s really not pleasent when you can hear that person masterbating on the other side… Should I have been happy that he was excited in a call with me? I still don’t know. I knew he called in the first instance because I was feeling lonely, but it happened with this person, a simple call turned quickly quickly into a sexual call, so I wasn’t too happy.

With the current messages exchanges, it started with no sext. Despite me saying on the ad that I wanted to engage in online hypnosis (because we were in a strict lockdown and I was so lonely), I hated the messages received. Then finding someone who lives at a place that it is not impossible see each other changed things. So, I was afraid that if we start engage in sexts, that would be all I would get (and not real life BDSM), and I said no to it. There were reasons I wrote above too. I just didn’t have good memories from these stuff.

He was patient. He waited until I was comfortable and I knew that I can say yes, no, maybe honestly. Then, he probably realised that I would go into a relaxed state to enjoy sex or BDSM when I step out of a reality. When you think about it, isn’t that what BDSM is all about? For me, it gave me a chance to be a different me, a sub and gave myself a permission to enjoy sexual acts.

Then, we engaged in sexts when I was comfortable but it was different. It was always a story and a scene outside our real life. Some were…..let’s say not quite working….lol…..I said so, or he sensed it by my reply (I don’t think I said, let’s do it again after some of the scenes…even when he suggested so) Of course, I had my preferred scenes. So it started out from something which is more of a role playing or fantasy. Kidnap, interrogation…yes, no….alien didn’t quite work. It was fun but not hot as others. lol. Was it my limit of imagination? Mmmm…..

I know I had told him that I felt like I had to be forced to enjoy sex against my will. I can’t figure out why. Maybe my upbringing. I might copy and amend what I wrote on Fetlife soon and post it here.

I knew he wrote well and was creative (including writing short stories) because I had read his writings on Fetlife. That was one of the reasons I decided to answer his message. It was very easy to see that his sexts/stories were tailored for me, and I appreciated the time and efforts he had put into creating those.

Then, after a while, the sexts/scene turned into scenes more of BDSM scenes of a dom and sub. It could be us, it may not be us but the fantasies were becoming closer to a reality. Did I have an issue with it? No, not by this time. I do appreciate he didn’t start out with these scenes, but probably it was easier to go into fantasy world when he didn’t know me well, but not well like he does now.

As we were able to understand each other, it didn’t bother me that the scenes were starting to become about ‘him’ and ‘me’. My name was used in the script. Most of times, I didn’t have to say (text back) much, I was reading the texts and imagining how it plays out. I was quietly getting excited. He gives me a chance to respond, in which time, I may wanted to see what happened if I changed what he had in mind, but I guess he was flexible enough. He didn’t seem to care much (damn!).

Sexts and these scenes told me other things to me. It clearly told me what he likes to do in a BDSM scene and what he wants to do to me. I think I’ve figured out quite well. lol. There were some stuff that he didn’t put on ‘I like this’ list when we were chatting outside the sexts but apparenly he likes it enough to use in the sexts several times so I figured he likes them (did he intentionally leave those out? lol ).

As I said above, I saw that he can think on the spot and can be flexible. Maybe I know too much about what he has in his mind, but I guess for a person like me, who will be very anxious to go into a BDSM scene, it helps to know what is likely to happen. Nothing so far that made me think ‘yuck no’. (I’m sure he has some under his belt) So it gave me some peace of mind. To me, that is what was most useful about these sexts.

Of course, I won’t be able to figure out how hard he will spank me, use belt and slap me. So those have to wait. At least on sext scenes, I can dial up or down the pain in my imagination depending on what I want on that moment. That’s one of the reasons sexts can be very exciting.

The most interesting thing is that I was genuinely enjoying reading these sexts (or more of a short scene) and getting excited. Whether it was a fantasy scene or more closer to reality, I was genuinely in the scene.

I have to say that I didn’t expect that I would enjoy sexts or strories this much. Would I be annoyed if he was getting excited on the other hand? I’m sure he was, on some occasions but well….lol….at least on sexts, I won’t be able to sense it like on calls, so I’m OK. Even if he was (and I know he was on some ocassions), I say, I will be happy if he did. Because I know how much he tailored the stories for me. I know how much wanted me to enjoy and immerse myself in a fantasy world.

Similar to sexts, he has written some stories for me. I replied back with my own version. I have to say, I love the exchanges. I have to be careful that we don’t get satisfied with these exchanges (well…..I won’t, I know….I’m rather getting frustrated…haha). It’s exciting when I am thinking about a reply.

It is interesting. If it was like my previous BDSM relationships, I guess I would’ve told the dom what excites me, my limits but then, we would’ve entered into an actual scene. Then, found out about each other’s likes and dislikes more in detail whilst in the scene. That…seems to be like the reason I got frustrated with some of the scenes. Communication before actual play wasn’t enough. So we had to find out through actual plays.

A good dom can always read a sub, what the sub wants and what excites the sub. I’m sure he is a good dom even without sexts and stories exchanges. I was a dom at one stage, and I was a very good dom because of that ability and how I was able to react to the sub’s reaction.

However, as I said, the sexts and stories gave me insights into what he likes to do, which also gives me a chance to think how I can respond (or where I want to be a brat). That’s something I never thought I would get from these sexts. Well, they are hot because they are tailored.

It really makes me wonder how hot it will be when we can actually meet up.

I never thought I would like the role playing and sexts. Interesting. Do you like sexts or stories that are on Fetlife?