Well. I think I figured out why I was so irritated last week. All good.
I’ve heard many describe BDSM relationships in terms of Yin and Yang. Not necessarily opposite but complementary and interconnected, which is the meaning of Yin and Yang in the original Chinese context.
The Dom will also have Yin inside them. The Sub will have Yang inside them. Those shouldn’t be ignored too. I want to see the sensitivity and soft side of the Dom. The Dom will probably want to see my Yang, my strength that makes me who I am. If we ignore the hidden side of each other, I feel like the relationship will not last long. Or at least for me as a Sub, I can’t be with a Dom who just tries to make me submit by his power or ignore who I am. I want to find someone who also understands the Yang inside me and enjoys playing with my Yin and Yang sides.
I personally enjoy a Dom who has a sensitive side, which I can play around with (oops! here comes the discipline).
I feel like I want a Dom who complements me, and with the BDSM play, it gives me a sense of intimacy. That’s why I cannot be a Sub that wants to be constantly overpowered and denigrated. The Dom wants to please me, through his acts and words that I crave (or by not giving them, as that’s how the Sub’s weird mind works). I want to please him through my submission (…not giving him won’t end well, will it?). When I am able to disarm his feeling, I ‘may’ get what I want. Through our play, we each communicate that we understand the other person. That’s the game.
Whilst in the BDSM world, I do not have to and I don’t want to compete with the Dom. I am not worried about being equal. During the vetting stage, I certainly want to see that the Dom is treating me as an equal, but once I decide to submit, it’s a different story. We each feed off a part of the other person, which complements us. I don’t want to be equal in the session. That’s why I crave to be a Sub to the right Dom. I crave to give up my power to a person, which creates the intimacy and closeness that I can only get from the BDSM relationship. I only let a person who is Dom and who I trust to get close enough to me where other partners haven’t been able to get to. I want to be vulnerable in a manner others haven’t seen me.
Inside me, there is the most sensitive part in my heart which I haven’t opened before. I know some have tried to force it to open, but they couldn’t. It’s closed. A Dom that I am waiting for may be able to open it. It is closed when I feel content and I feel I am self-sufficient. To be honest, living alone in a foreign country that I decided to make it a place to live, working and competing with others in a highly competitive profession, I didn’t think that I would want to open it. I had to feel that I could live alone. Something vulnerable is hidden inside me and felt like something will collapse if I open it. The right person may be able to open it, but may also be able to help me not collapse. Why does it have to be a Dom? I don’t know. For the long years I kept on saying to myself that I am strong, the door became so strong and thick. It doesn’t seem to be possible to open it except for a Dom that I can trust and I can tell myself that I can be vulnerable.
I also felt that some Doms have this same ‘something’ hidden inside that they won’t show to others. It may not be a vulnerability, but it could be something that they won’t show to others. If I am a Sub that they are looking for, will I be able to knock and open that door and see if we really complement each other?
Beautifully written and introspective. To answer your question, there is a side only my sub gets to see and sometimes, some of my readers to the conveying of the emotion in which is inevitably relayed in how we write. I tell bunny all the time the rest of the world can burn, and I mean that very much. I don’t care what happens to those around me that aren’t in my circle in the slightest. I am viewed as callous and uncaring and that’s perfectly acceptable terms for me. It’s not that I don’t care, though in truth, I probably don’t overly much to begin with, but I actively chose not to have time for someone else bullshit. I’ve got too much I want to do and accomplish. To the outside world, I’m the Rickest of Ricks.
She, however, gets the soft side. Yes, most definitely she gets the hard side too. I am, after all, a sadist, but she gets to see the me I don’t know anyone else. For her, and her alone. she gets Gomez.