Many discussions are going on in the Fet and other blogs about why alpha females want to submit. You can find a lot of different views.
I am an alpha female, if you want to classify it that way, in my professional life: Independent, a people leader, strong and excited at solving complex issues. My non-professional nature is quiet, soft and introverted.
Why an alpha female wants to submit is a story for another time.
However, I find it very difficult to find someone I can and want to submit. The reason why the Dom wants to dominate me is important for me. I actually had Doms who wanted to /or actually dominated me because of the university that I had graduated or because of my profession. Those Doms weren’t looking at ‘me’. My uni, my social status etc. Just looking at my outer side and they were excited to dominate someone of that class or social status. I didn’t have an issue, if they wanted to dominate because of who I am, including looking at me past the outer layer and dominating because of who I am.
I can’t separate out and cut off my social status, my uni, my profession or my past from me. That’s still part of me.
However, it’s challenging to find someone who can see me past the ‘social’ skin that I wear. Or someone who will not be intimidated by who I am in my vanilla life.
Because I need someone who can dominate me. I want to give up all my control. I need to feel I want to submit to that person, and I need to respect and want to kneel.
Because of the gap between my professional life and my internal, hidden me, I find it hard to find someone patient with me and who would take time to understand me. I am also a very complex person. I can’t say how, I just know I am. Even my closest friends have hard time understanding me.
Unfortunately, many Doms or potential Doms didn’t have the patience and didn’t want to take time to know me. Sometimes, they thought that they could force me to submit by force or pain just because they didn’t think they couldn’t dominate me in any other way. I need someone who can mentally dominate me too.
My Myer-Briggs personality test says I’m a walking contradiction.
When I think about a vanilla me and me as a sub, the phrase ‘a walking contradiction’ seems to be appropriate in that sense too.
I need someone who will not feel inadequate when they are with me. Someone who won’t be intimidated by me. Enjoy being with me, can understand what I want to say, understand who I am, and someone who can confidently dominate me. A strong man. Imaginative. Someone who I can trust but also trusts me and respects me. Respects me as a whole package, whether it’s my outer persona or inner hidden persona. Respects me as an equal. Gets excited that someone equal to him will kneel only for him and want to be dominated.
I also get off on seeing the Dom, who will show me an aspect that he will not show in his vanilla life. It’s very unlikely that the Dom shows his rough side in his vanilla life. I need an intellectual equal, a gentleman, a confident man who shows me the side that I can only see. Not swayed by who I am.
Some friends don’t think that the intellectual equal, shouldn’t be on the list that I tick off. I don’t think I can delete that from the list. To me, the BDSM is still a very complex game where I will be using my brain to attract and defy the Dom. The Dom needs to pick up my signs and decide to what to do with me in the session. Am I defying intentionally or unintentionally? Does he understand what I mean or why I am doing it?
My experience has been that I am too strong. When the Dom acknowledged that I was an equal, they seemed to have respected me and then treated me as an equal, and stopped dominating me. That’s not what I want.
It’s so complicated, isn’t it?