So. I’m fed up with my friends telling me that I should communicate with multiple people at the same time. They say that a man can’t be communicating only with me. Oh, thanks for the support, ladies!
I am a multi-tasker in my vanilla life. I have to be.
However I cannot be a multi-tasker when it comes to a relationship, or more precisely when building up a relationship. Especially for BDSM.
Usually I just read the message sent to me and decide whether I want to respond or not. I don’t post a personal ad so that’s the way it works. I don’t send a message unless I know the person or it’s a sub lady.
This time, I posted a personal ad (which I kind of regretted) so there were so many messages in my inbox. Most of them…ignore ignore ignore….
Chose one to reply, one or two exchanges and decided that I wanted to know more about this person.
Even at this stage, I wasn’t replying to several who sent to me messages that were decent. I did say, thanks but sorry, no, to several people who wrote to me nicely but that’s all. Just a basic courtesy to people who spent time reading my profile.
I slowly communicated bits and pieces of information.
Then, again, unusual for me, after a while I told him that I was not communicating with anyone else. He gave me his word that he wasn’t too. I believed him. I still do.
Once we both typed those words, we have to trust each other’s words. If we can’t trust each other, how can we enter into a BDSM relationship? Add to the complication, the fact that we will be in a (sort of) long distance relationship.
He liked me for this virtue. I liked him for his virtue and moral.
Sure. This isn’t the issue that pops up in only a long distance relationship. In this online world and various messaging services, I or he could be using another messaging services/dating services to communicate with someone else. Skype/kik/telegram/dating services and countless others. I know my ex partner was cheating online when we were in a committed relationship texting next to me.
We don’t have a crystal ball to see what’s happening with each other’s online life. I don’t want to. That’s stalking. Lol.
So we just have to trust each other. If I doubt anything that he says or do, it’s the end. I may have written before, but I asked him not to lie and said I won’t too.
It’s a very old way of dating. I sometimes wonder why I can’t be like others who can communicate with several people in parallel. It’s also because it is BDSM and not vanilla. If I can’t trust him, I cannot be in a room with him and I cannot allow him to engage in impact plays. How could I?
I don’t think I would change. I cannot juggle personal relationships. I do not think that is a right thing to do because that person is spending time to know me. We are busy and we both are trying to make time for each other. Again, an old school but I’ve grown up in pre-internet age and how I was raised.
I cannot change and I don’t want to change. If I juggle communicating with different persons at once, it makes me feel like I’m playing around or fooling with the other persons’ mind.
That’s not I want to do.
I also said that I would wait till we sort each others private life issues out. I wouldn’t have done that if it wasn’t a person I can trust and someone I wanted to wait.
Do you juggle your potential partners?