When I moved to the USA, when I was around 7 years old, from my home country, I didn’t know what to do when the teacher hugged and kissed the students a good bye every afternoon.
The teacher always teased me saying ‘will you kiss me good bye today?’ with a wink. And then, I made the move. I liked that teacher. She was my favourite teacher in year 3/3rd grade but I somehow felt hugging and kissing meant showing more affection than the affection I showed to my family (especially when mom was there to pick me up). Add to that, given that that was the year I moved to the States, I couldn’t understand English and I always wondered if I heard her right. I was thinking too much at 7 years old. Haha.
It took me a long time just to kiss the (female) teacher a good bye. Just to hug back when someone hugs me. Just to kiss on a cheek to show affection. I remember that when I left the States, I was naturally hugging and kissing my classmates and teachers to say farewell on the last day.
Not a culture that exists in my home country.
So back to no hugging and kissing.
I was taught by foreigners (meaning not the people from home country) at the university I went to and always worked with foreigners after I finished the Uni so hugging and kissing were everywhere. It was kind of easier to know when I can hug/kiss. Foreigners and my friends who used to live overseas – yes. My family and local people – No.
As I wrote before, I went back to the home country and then moved to Australia.
My mind is still confused. When can I hug a friend, a colleague or a boss. When can I kiss someone Hi or good bye. How much do I have to know them before I can?
It’s more casual than I make it to be! I know. I know I can do them to my friends. I hug and kiss my singing teachers (both male and female) because they became my friends. Even some of my colleagues. I probably do them naturally as they know me and extend their arms before I do!
I went to see a friend today and I was so looking forward to seeing her after our long lockdown. I just wanted to hug her so strongly and kiss.
I was so happy to see the friend. Then I froze! Just because I was’t sure? Stupid me! Then I noticed that I froze and my smile even disappeared because I didn’t know how to recover from this freeze. Oh my gosh.
In a split second, I froze there thinking should I? shouldn’t I? lol. Do I know her well enough? That was one of the most stupidest things I did. I can’t explain why. I’ve seen her once before but became good friends with her during the lock down. She knew my culture and my tendency to keep a distance so she probably didn’t make the move. So it was for me to make a move. I really wanted to hug her strongly.
This has been my issue all the time with other, closer, people as well.
I loved my vanilla or BDSM partners that I had in my own way but also have been told that they didn’t think I love them as much as they did. I didn’t show affection, no kisses on the messages, no heart marks, I didn’t make a move to hug them, didn’t kiss them.
I feel like it’s a nonsense that I was accused in that way. But hey. Each country has a different culture and what is the norm under the culture.
I heard it all. Oh let’s not forget that I was spending time with them going out, having sex and BDSM sessions and still been nagged that I didn’t love them.
It does make me wonder. If I meet my master one day, will I be able to show my affection, trust, love and respect the next time without failing? Can I? What should I do differently?
I once wanted to reach out my hand to a dom who was having a coffee with me and wanted to touch his hand. However I didn’t know whether I can and I stopped my hands. I really really wanted to feel him. I wanted to feel his hands, which are parts of him that I liked (imagining what those hands can do to me?).
I want to show my affection. I want to show how strongly I love the other person. Can I change?
Reblogged this on attis.
This was also a problem for me when I lived in an Anglo-Saxon environment. Both men and women keep their hips apart and turn them from waist down,
they also slam the kiss into the air. And just a fleeting hug.
In our country, too, body to body, and a tight hug and a welcoming kiss on the face. (My Polish friends three times 🙂 Russian male friends even mouth three 🙂
I love living where I hug and greet anyone and I can express my love of neighbor as I have learned and love to do.
An American gestalt therapist came to my country to hold and teach an “encunter group”. He was surprised that for us, the “encunter” is part of our culture.:-)