The name that I call him

What do you call yourself?

What do you want to be called?

Do you even care?

There are many ways to identify your BDSM relationship; call & identify yourself or your partner.

Master/slave; Dom/sub; Top/bottom; or any combination from these words, such as a couple may identify as a Master/sub.

Me personally, I don’t care. I will be guided by the other person what he wants to be called and what he wants to call me.

Unless the other person thinks that he could do anything (even the things I haven’t consented to) by calling me a ‘slave’ or ‘slut’. Well….if that’s the case….I’m out of the relationship at lightning speed!

However, when I stop and think, I’m not sure if the above statement is true. Not about how I will be addressed – I don’t care. Sometimes it’s part of the other person’s kink. So normally I don’t have an issue. It’s more about what I call the other person.

Normally, it’ll be Sir. No brainer.

I have not allowed myself to call my BDSM partner a Master unless it is truely a person that I admire and I want, from the bottom of my heart, to call him a Master. A person I agree to kneel and serve, not just during a BDSM play session. When I think about it, I don’t think I actually and truelly called someone a Master.

If I was asked to address the BDSM partner as a ‘Master’ in a play scene, I did. Again, it is like agreeing on a language to use and communicate. Like agreeing to a safe word. Also, probably it is a part of that person’s kink. I will agree to call you a Master during this play (or it could be even during the relationship). We slip into our respetive roles. After that, it was almost like I take off my skin as a sub/slave/slut and get back into my vanilla/professional skin.

Let’s wind back one step to explain why I don’t call everyone my Master.

Where I come from, the BDSM relationship are seldom addressed as a Dom/Sub relationship. I’ve checked again just to make sure, and people are starting to talk about the concept of Dom/Sub used in other parts of the world, but seem to have issues trying to grasp the concept.

It can be from language barriers. However, it’s also understandable as the combination of the words, Dominant and Submissive, are very broad. We may use to identify that we are in a BDSM relationship, but the Dom’s role and the Sub’s role will differ from a person to person. A couple to couple. So I think people in that country are confused the more they read about Dom/Sub on the Internet.

In that country, the BDSM relationships are often addressed as a Master / Slave relationship or a Sadist/Masochist relationship (even if they do not engage in pain plays). Latter more because they refer to the BDSM as simply an “SM”.

Calling a dom a ‘master’ (in that original language) actually comes from the feudal system which was in place for over 700 years. In exchange for the service and loyalty by a lower class, the higher class / owner will protect and reward the lower class. However, there were no ‘slave’ under this feudal system, so someone cleverly must’ve thought about using these concepts for BDSM!

To make things complicated, the ‘slave’ used in the BDSM relationship in that country is just that. The ordinary meaning of ‘slave’ that you would imagine. At the mercy of the Master. The Master can do anything. You endure anything. No right to say no from the sub’s point.

Yuck.

The ‘Master’, on the other hand, a particular word in that language that comes from the feudal system, encompasses some more meanings in the BDSM world. A person who earned respect. A person who will protect the slave. A person who will guide the slave.

I can assume that the people who decided to use these words into BDSM must have thought that when the slave relinquishes his/her right and handed it over to the Master, there are certain responsibilities that are attached on the part of the Master. Bit like noblesse oblige.

It is very interesting that many academic scholars resorted to using the word ‘Master’ when they tried to translate the role of this ‘master’ under the historic feudal system into English. They just couldn’t find a compatible word in English as it was a very different concept from other feudal systems in other parts of the world.

Of course, some people who engage in the BDSM that should not earn this title forces the sub to use the word ‘Master’, which is disgusting.

Trust. Protection. Admiration from the sub. The concepts that are included when you address a ‘Master’ in the original language.

I really like the word ‘Master’ in the original language. That country’s language is also so complicated that you will be using a specific variation of that country’s language to address the others in a higher position or whom you respect! So a sub is expected to speak to a Master differently to the way they speak to their friends. Do I like it? Sort of.

It’s nice to show respect but I like to start from the position that we are equal. That’s probably why I don’t like most of the messages I receive from people who identify themselves as dominants. Then it is my choice to accept the Dom. It is also the Dom’s choice to accept me.

Once he decides to dominate me and I decide to submit to him (and whatever we call each other), then, if I ask him to take a lead and I decide to follow out of respect, handing over certain decision making powers to him, that’s my decision and my will. That doesn’t come automatically just from being a dominant/master.