Slut…Slave….Sub….I’m not too fussed about how I am called. Just depends on who is calling me by that name. Sometimes I just acted as I don’t care but usually didn’t like being called by these names. As the same Dom would’ve called other people by that name too. They are not unique to me. Anyone can be a slut, slave or sub for that person. It doesn’t have to be me.
It is, of course, a role play that we play. By being called a slut, slave or sub, I slip into those roles. By calling me by those name, the Dom expects that I act in that role.
My first name is a difficult one to pronounce. Although I have to say that for some reason, Australians are generally better at pronouncing it compared to Americans and British people.
When I had a partner, vanilla or BDSM, I gave them a shortened name for them to call me. Just a few letters from my first name. My reasoning was that it will be easier for them to call me, rather than the full first name. Nobody else, including friends and families call me by that name.
Not that these persons didn’t know who I am and my full name. Not that by giving out that name, it made for others to find who I really am. That name and occupation are enough to find out who I am.
Not sure why I didn’t want them to call me by my first name. The long terms partners did end up calling me by my full first name in the end. I initially thought I wanted to give them something special.
I now wonder whether I wanted to protect myself. Why create a different persona for BDSM? I wanted to immerse myself in BDSM and sex yet wanted to have one layer that would distance myself.
This time I didn’t give out that name. Just used my first name when asked what my name was.
No particular reason.
Maybe forgot about my rituals after being away from BDSM.
Maybe I did it unconsciously.
Maybe I liked the message exchanges before it got to the point of giving my name.
Who knows. I won’t analyse it. I’m doing so many unusual things this time, it’s bit difficult to think why I’m acting different.
What I know is that this time, I am getting aroused when the potential Dom uses my name, at the right timing.
I feel happy and protected.
It’s just a name.
Why?
This time, I am stepping into a role of sub as myself. Not an another character I created.
It’s so hot and it’s scary.
Feels naked.
..can I really do this?