Is there a ‘checklist’?

You can easily find multiple versions of BDSM checklist online.

What you want to do, may consider doing and what you don’t want to do.

Soft limits, hard limits.

However, chatting to a friend, I noticed that she was so hyped up about what they would do in a play session.

I started asking some ‘other’ questions to her which is only a part of my mental checklist.

• Is this one off?
• Is this short term? or want long term?
• Is this going to be strictly limited to ‘let’s play when we want to’?
• Do you want your partner to be a vanilla partner as well? Can you/he be?
• Do you want 24/7 control (even if some were done online)?
• Do you want to know his non-kink side? Will he likely to show that to you?
  
• How do you want to be treated? Treat like equal persons or have power differences between a dom and you? (Is that only in play session or outside of the play session too?)
• Do you want to know everything that will go on in the play session beforehand? (depends on the experience/skill levels of both the Dom and the sub. I don’t want to. I want to keep guessing)
  
• How do you want to feel in the session? Feel loved? beautiful? safe? exposed? desired?
• Do you want to lose control or stay in control?
• Want pain?
  • Why?
  • How much? Should the pain be only to the extent manageable?
  • Only as a punishment?
• Sex?
  • Do you want to come or just him?
  • Is sex part of the play or aftercare?
  • How do you feel if he only comes, but not you?
• Rough sex – what’s in it?
  • Want to be physically overpowered?
  • Do you want to fight back? – then what? win or lose?
  • Do you need words to go with it?
  • What objects can he use?
• Do you want to be humiliated? What can be used? (e.g. you are wet? Something else?) What cannot be used as humiliation?
  
• How often do you want to communicate with your partner? e.g. are you ok that you communicate only when one of you wants to set up a play session?
• Should those comms only be relevant for BDSM or should it include other stuff?
• Are you happy with only texts/messages/emails? or do you want to chat on the phone?
  
• Do you want to go out for a drink/meal when you two meet up for a session?
• Do you want to leave straight away after the session? Are you happy if the partner leaves you straight away after the session?
• Do you need aftercare?
• Want to spend a night?
• Do you want to snuggle and chat?
• Do you want a call/text next day?