Story of O

Story of O.

I have recently watched the 1975 and 2002 movies. I won’t comment on the 2002 version… Still love the 1975 version that I’ve watched several times before.

However, it didn’t have the scene that I so loved from the book. It’s too erotic to be on a non-porn movie.

I bought this book when I was a teenager. Not sure where I got the idea. Probably from the old online forums (pre-Internet).

I can’t remember how I managed to buy it from a physical bookstore. Maybe going to a large bookstore and buying it with other books? I just wonder how a teenager ‘me’ managed to buy it….scared that someone will notice? scared about the ‘look’ on the shopkeeper?

It must still be in my room back in my parent’s house, so likely to have been found by mom by now. However, she read other BDSM novels by Anne Rice that I had hid and was excited how erotic they were and was discussing them openly with me (still a teenager) so I guess, she knows. One thing that’s funny about mom was that she went nuts about not having sex till I marry, but she may not mind if I am into BDSM. Or, was she just thinking that it’s something she had never come across, never thinking I was into it? Anne Rice’s BDSM novels were more like fantasy so, she might’ve thought I was into those princess type of fantasy stories. I don’t have guts to ask her now…. After that, I think I was sharing other novels with BDSM taste….

But wait. Didn’t I write a novel which included forceful sex which was published and I think she found it and read it? I think her comment was that it could have been better. Now that I think of it, what was ‘it’ that she was referring to?

Back to the Story of O. At that time, I read my native language translated version. OK just checked the date it was published in that language – 1992. So I was a teenager. I remember that the translation was very old style and wasn’t easy to read. Now on Amazon, a number of people are commenting as such, that the translation isn’t accurate as well.

Now just to find out whether my recollection about the scene is real or not, I bought an English translated version. Flicking through it on Kindle, and there it was. So….my memory is correct. Out of all scenes, this scene, reading them in words, I as a teenager was able to visualise it and excited about the scene.

However, whilst I had female partners, my preference has been hetrosexual, so now that I read it, this scene where the pains are inflicted by Anne-Marie and her girls, doesn’t excite me much. The circumstances of the scene, O’s position, how the pain was inflicted, how O was crying still excites me, but I guess I would now substitute the scene with a male dominant.

I skimmed through the English version. When I first read it, I didn’t know much about sex, or more precisely about sexual pleasures. Now older and wiser(? am I?) there is more direct correlation between my submission and sexual pleasures. The English version is much easier to read.

I was surprised that my impression of this story hasn’t changed much. I didn’t like that Rene deceived O going to Roissy. How he handed O to Sir Stephen. If Rene’s sexual preference was that he liked to dominate O and he had guts to dominate her, and let her make the choice by gradually training her, maybe. How Sir Stephen raped her. She didn’t have a choice to be branded. She is forced to consent, but is it?

Yet, I was attracted how Rene and Sir Stephen ‘loved’ her in their own way. Contradicting to what I said above, isn’t it? I don’t think I can reconcile it myself. I was, and I still am interested in situation where I do not have a control of myself, taken and used. How exciting to be begging. Crying. So here it is. I so hated the storyline that she was forced into it without consent and it’s precisely the point that excited, and excites me.

That’s the essence of what I long. It cannot be in a dangerous circumstances, so to be just be used by a trusting dominant. I’ve experienced what happens if I put myself there to be used by a ‘dominant’ who shouldn’t be trusted. A rape.

I have been, from my early ages, a child who was ‘perfect’ and self controlled. No rebellion against the parents, except for some major ones (oh, so there was some rebellion…probably from my parent’s viewpoint). I wanted to be in a position that I cannot maintain a control of myself. Scream. No. Nobody outside the dominant can hear me scream. So gagged. Cry. Just resist but being overpowered.

Pain inflicted by spanking, whips, forceful sex.

I like Story of O as I don’t see as O as a whore the story paints her. As she is called by men. Working professional lady with some class. Elegant. Yet she has sides of her that she would only show to dominants (after she has been trained). 1975 film maintains that class, but I don’t think the 2002 film does.

Some feels real but yet, not everything is written out word by word. I still think I like that style. If this story was written much later, say now, I would’ve thought there will be more expressions about men’s cock, cum etc which there are some, but not too much. I like that there is a space for me to imagine extra things. In some scenes, the men in the room aren’t expressed enough. Just enough for us to start imagine how they look like. Substitute with how I would like the men dominating be like.

This story was written by the author to please her lover at the time was what I saw in the documentary about Story of O. I wonder how much of it was real or how much was her imagination. Seems to be more like imagination to me, and that’s how I like it.