Stepping into the room, I freeze.
I try to smile. I’m sure I failed. Something I can easily do in my day to day life.
Wear a mask with a smile so that I can hide my emotion.
…I should be able to do it. But no. Why?
Always fails with him. He’s stripped my mask so many times. He knows ‘me’.
You are looking at me. You are looking curious. Because of my failed smile?
How am I looking to him? Scared? Emotionless or….aroused?
What are my eyes saying to him? I know my eyes cannot hide my emotions.
I look down the floor so that he cannot see my emotions.
Take a deep breath. I look up. Your eyes look at me as if you have turned into a hunter. You are looking at me. Slightly irritated. But waiting for me to step toward him.
I just….cannot move.
I close my eyes and I sense a slight change in your breathing. Is that….irritation? or arousal?
My back is still touching the door. A door to my escape. Do I want to escape?
Hell no.
Should I step toward him? … I should. My brain says I should. I should act like nothing. I’ve done this so many times. Yet, everytime, it’s so different. What will he do to me? What will I experience? What do I want to be today? A brat? Cheeky? An obedient slave?
My sense is heightened. His irritation. His slight anger. I sense my skin is getting more sensitive looking at his irritation. What will he do to this sensitive skin? Belt? His hand? His fingers touching sensitive my skins. Doesn’t matter. It’s him. Anything. He can use me for anyway he wants.
I shiver. Just by imagining.
Where to from here? Should I break this tension?
A part of me want to make him angrier. Want to see him to lose control.
See him lose control because of me. All the attention on me.
Sigh. Maybe not today.
I can’t wait anymore. I can’t wait him to touch me. I’m getting irritated. Hold me. Hold my wrists. Hold my neck. Spank me. Use a belt. Take me. Make me beg for anything he does. Hear him command me. Hear him tease me. …Say “Good girl”. Such a weird term for a woman of my age. But I like it. I like it when he says it. Rough or sensitive. I will take anything.
As I fix my eyes on him, provocatively.
I see him walking towards me. Hastingly.
A deep breath. My breath is getting shorter.
Close my eyes. For the last time before the game begins.
He extends his arm toward me.
My skin tingles. I feel cool air created by his movement.
Where will he touch me first?
How will he touch me?
Open. Open the eyes. I tell myself.
I open my eyes. Set on him.
I smile. Yes. I smile. Without my mask.
Let’s the game begin.