I just came across a so called ‘slave contract’. lol
For BDSM. Yep. It did appear on the Fifty Shades of Grey.
Wow. When I started to type “Fifty Shades of Grey contract” into google, it does suggest words like “text” “pdf” “word doc”. Really? Oh nooo. So people want to copy that contract that appeared in the novel/movie?
The one I saw was all about the dom/master side. What the sub will do, how she should please the dom, and that by signing, the sub agrees that any acts between them are consensual.
In one sense, it may be a turn on for the sub, that she is going into this bdsm ‘relationship’. Imagination flowing from what’s written.
Once….very long time ago, one of a dom who was a lawyer wrote it for me, but we both knew it was all for fun. I won’ t probably waste my time to write one up although I can. (Has any sub written one? Has any sub written one and demanded the dom to sign it without any change allowed like this dom? haha. that could be fun. Speak about topping from bottom! Should I try? lol no. I think I would only select a dom who may give it back to me with mark-ups. And we won’t stop going back and forth )
The contract is not enforceable anyway. Even if it says everything done is consensual, the police, the court and prosecutors can toss that out so easily. At least in England and in Australia. The Criminal law will override it too. There are certain human rights provisions that apply too. So bad news for doms who wants to rely on it when they step over the set boundaries.
It ‘may’ be useful for 24/7 relationship to define where the BDSM relationship starts and ends, and pauses.
I told this sub, no. This isn’t want you want to agree with dom in writing. No need to be in a contract form. It was also one way contract. To be signed only by the sub. Mmmm. So there is a contract with additional places where the sub can add info but dom doesn’t have to sign? Let’s not get into the contract law argument. Should I make an exam piece from this? (no, I won’t…but it’s tempting but I might lose the job….or will I? Contract law or criminal law?).
What sub needs to do, is:
- agree on safe word(s); gestures;
- work on hard limits – what you don’t want to be done.
- what you want to be done – probably start from here, and discuss thoroughly. Thoroughly meaning, includes what you mean by ‘rough”, ‘hard’ etc. Emotional limits. Emotional limits, meaning, if it’s something that may trigger your trauma, put in the hard limit category. Medical limits?
- What will you call each other?
- (whichever sexually active partner should get) tests.
- Any allergies?
I would rather suggest using a BDSM checklist of a sort, both the dom and the sub filling it and seeing where both people’s mind agree, and where there aren’t an agreement. You (sub) may have some activity that she has dreamt of, but dom may not have an experience, so in that case, both of you need to take it slowly.
It’ll be easier if both of you sit together and discuss in detail and take a note of it. As I said above, not every word means the same thing. ‘Rough’ means apple to dom and ‘rough’ means orange to sub. There is no meeting of minds here.
If you are a beginner, before going into the first session, discuss what is going to happen in the first session. Ask him to describe it. For example, if the dom says I want to tie you hands in the back. You may say to him, Ok but you have to be careful about my shoulder as I have an old injury. Is there going to be sex involved? Ask him to wear a condom. Ask him to take it slowly.
A dom says ‘let’s play it by ear’. OK for an experienced dom and an experienced sub. Like…I haven’t decided if I want bruising from a spanking/belt /cane (usually do), but depends on the night and I trust and know I can stop the dom, at any time so no issues for me.
Oh by the way, nothing to do with the BDSM contract, but once there was someone who wanted me to sign a non-disclosure contract. If anything, it needs to be mutual contract. Not one way.