Introduction

I‘ve decided to move some of my notes from Fetlife as this will be more anonymous.

So, here is a brief intro about myself. I’m in late 40s, a submissive living in Australia. Currently I do not have a dominant, but I am not looking for one either.

So…what’s been my journey?

I started my BDSM voyage in my early 20s. Even before I had sex with anyone.

Long before there was the Internet, we had AOLs, ICQs and similar in my home country. I got hooked on the dark side of discussions that was not readily available other than going to adult shops or kinky clubs.

Of course, the most of the discussions were by male doms. Where I’ve been from, a rope bondage was seen as a form of art. Not really sure why I was so intrigued by BDSM. However, there were absolute ‘masters’ in the field. BDSM was still underground activities. Although I was a sub, they taught me what I needed to know. What to look out for a master/dom, when was dom pushing too much, what to use – rope, candles, needles, canes, crops, single tails. It was more about ‘if a dom does X, that is too much, so use a safe word and stop’.

I was into pains and rope bondage at the time. They may not have been my choice as I was guided by people whom I met through these online forums.

Moved to Australia in my early 30s. After my life has settled down, started looking for doms. Met a dom, became a vanilla girlfriend and then a farewell. I worked as a professional dom as well. I think I was a good dom, but I guess I was, and has been really a sub, from the bottom of my heart.

I went to some parties, but the parties didn’t really click with me.

Coming from where the BDSM was an underground and dark culture, I guess I never got used to people actively and openly engaging in BDSM activities. For me, a BDSM is something that I engage in privately only with my dom and myself.

In my ‘vanilla’ life, I am a professional and a senior level manager. I am quiet and reserved by my nature, but I am seen as a tough negotiator and lead a team of professionals. I know when I first started working, there were emails going around male colleagues that they don’t need to go to a BDSM club, because you can find a dom here in the office. (naughty, aren’t they? old days these were still allowed!) So, in my professional life, I am more of a dom. However, I can’t live that life 24 hours.

So my aim is to find someone intelligent, smart (oh no. academic grades themselves won’t be enough), mature and I can look up to.

Someone I can trust.

Someone who will accept me for who I am.

Someone that when I am subbing, I can hand over myself….completely.

Someone that will not be overpowered by my strong and dominant nature.

Someone who can make me scream. Take me to a sub space.

Someone who can take me roughly.

However, someone who will care about me.

Someone already in a vanilla relationship will be difficult as I want as much attention as possible. Even in non BDSM life. I cannot separate out my vanilla sex and BDSM life so someone who can dominate both will be great.

I don’t know whether I will ever meet someone like that. I’m not in a hurry.

I’d rather wait than being in a private place with a wrong dom.

Yes. I had some instances that I didn’t screen potential doms enough. I wanted a BDSM and sex that day, so met up with horrible doms. Regret.

I’m not young anymore, so probably what I would engage in terms of BDSMs will be different. I don’t think I can tolerate the pains I experienced in my early 20s.

It’s going to be very interesting what kind of BDSM I will engage in, when and if, I meet my dom.